We Need to Talk…

By The Lerner Group on September 10, 2020

You’ve probably been thinking about this for a while. I understand this can be a difficult conversation to have, but it’s time to have that talk!

We live in a world where a family’s financial decisions mainly lie in the hands of men.  Is this because we haven’t voiced our desire to be a part of this process or because we haven’t been invited? Either way, if you want to be part of those financial decisions, it’s time to make that change!

Before we dive into having the conversation, I’d like to share a personal story:

I recently purchased a new car. Of course, as soon as my husband and I walked into the dealership, the salesperson directed the conversation towards him. I am fortunate that my husband knows how passionate I am about this topic, that he requested that the salesman redirect his questions to me as I was the person buying the car. It took a few attempts to redirect the salesman’s attention, but by the end of the interaction he learned a good lesson: Be aware of your audience, be equal in conversation but most of all, don’t ever assume.

Having the Conversation:

My goal is to help with ideas on how to approach this conversation in a positive light. It’s important to understand the benefits and the added value of having both spouses participate in the decision-making process for the family’s overall wealth.

1. Ask questions: This is the first step, understand where assets are located and how they are being managed. Your risk tolerance can be different from your spouse.  It’s important to talk this through so that both are considered for the overall portfolio.
2. Share ideas: Just because you might not like finances doesn’t mean you don’t like reaching your goals. It is important to share your thoughts on your family’s overall goals.
3. Start Participating: This is the exciting step, you become part of the meetings. Make yourself available and become part of the process of passing on the legacy you are building.

Not Having the Conversation:

The danger of allowing yourself to be in the dark is that you are solely relying on your spouse’s interpretation of the information to make the decision. What if they get it wrong? We all know the saying, “two heads are better than one”. I completely agree and believe it makes for a better well-rounded result. If you are the spouse left in the dark, you will always have that sense of anxiety, relying on someone else to understand your own finances! Take it from me, this does not end well. Please get involved with your family’s finances and work to understand how it all fits together.

Note: If you think this will be an uncomfortable topic to bring up with your spouse, use a third party to facilitate the discussion and/or to teach you how everything works. I love when clients ask additional questions to be able to fully understand the why. The time I spend helping a family better understand their plan is time well spent. Seeing all the puzzle pieces come together is an accomplishment, but it’s an even bigger accomplishment when everyone at the table understands how it all comes together. We are the wealth professionals and we work tirelessly to better understand your family’s needs, but only you truly know what is best for your family. Get empowered. Get educated. Get results.