Embracing the Caregiver’s Journey: Balancing Love and Self-Care

By Angela Grannan on March 7, 2023

“Not all heroes wear capes…”

Chances are, either you or the women in your life will become caretakers for parents, grandparents, children, or spouse – and maybe all of them. In many cases, all while having a career and raising a family! According to a Center for a Secure Retirement study, 62% percent of all family caregivers are women[1], and 31% of women caregivers[2] work full time! While caregiving for a family member is a labor of love, it often puts an emotional, physical, and financial strain on the caregiver.

To be a better caregiver, you must also care for yourself. Creating a plan that keeps you mentally, physically and financially fit will help you prepare for the role ahead.  

Setting yourself up for success

Often caregivers give up their self-help routines like exercise, socializing, or hobbies, mainly because there is not enough time to fit it all in, and the priority is to take care of the other person. Being a caregiver can also impact your current and future financial standing. The National Institute for Retirement Security (NIRS) cites a wage gap, divorce, and caregiving responsibilities as key contributors to the gender retirement income gap. There are, however, tips, techniques, and strategies to survive and thrive during these stressful life events!

First – Managing Stress

Caring for a loved one takes an enormous time commitment and a re-prioritization of daily tasks, but that does not mean you abandon yourself in the process. Your emotional stability is as important as ever, as now others are depending on it as well. Create and maintain a social schedule that keeps you connected to your friends and hobbies, and find new social groups that support and enhance your role as a caregiver. 

Suggestions: Try new techniques like daily 5-minute online meditation to emotionally re-center. Online guided meditations to de-stress or calming sessions are a great option. A positive mindset will help you navigate the undoubtedly difficult road ahead. It will also help you stay committed to making the most fun, laughter, and enjoyment you can bring to your relationship with the loved one you care for.

Second – Staying Healthy and Strong!

To effectively care for someone else, keeping yourself physically healthy has to be a high priority. When caring for someone, we tend to become more relaxed about our personal healthcare, proper nutrition, exercise, and even going to routine doctor appointments. 

Suggestions: Set up an exercise routine, and stick with it. Preferably, join a group or ask a friend to get some exercise with you. That way, you are less likely to skip, and it will give you the social interaction needed to keep a healthy mindset. Put extra effort into maintaining a healthy diet and enough sleep to get the recharge you need.     

Third – Maintaining your financial independence

Being in a caretaking role can have serious implications for your financial situation. Suppose a caretaker needs to leave the workforce or take reduced hours to accommodate caretaking responsibilities. This can result in lower retirement savings and, therefore, retirement income and lower social security payments. Women over 80 are the most likely age group to experience retirement income challenges due to widowhood and higher healthcare costs – and they do it alone.

Suggestion: Take the opportunity to better understand the financial needs of aging for your loved one and yourself. Find a financial advisor who understands and is skilled in this very common yet often understood time of life and its long-term financial implications. Reimagine your relationship with your financial advisor as one of your financial mentor.  

Closely work with your financial advisor to understand how to minimize any negative financial impact of this time period, and create a plan!

To keep yourself emotionally, physically and financially in the best place for this new and challenging role, keep in mind these additional tips:

1. Don’t try to do it alone. Accept help when it is offered. Find help when it is needed.
2. Work as a team with whoever is available – share the workload when possible!
3. Consider therapy. Family relationships are often complicated. Put yourself in the right emotional frame of mind that will allow you to perform a caregiving role in a way that you will always be proud of!
4. Learn lessons that will help you make suitable arrangements for your eldercare. 

Finally –  Know that you will never regret the time you spend with your loved one in their moment of need. Remember that you can’t do it all, but the fact that you are there is AMAZING!

[1] “Long-Term Care Is A Woman’s Issue,” InvestmentNews, May 2020

[2] Transamerica Center for Retirement Studies, 19 Facts About Women’s Retirement Outlook, November 2019