The Power of Family Meetings: Ensuring Your Legacy & Your Wealth Go the Distance

By The Lerner Group on August 10, 2022

“We should not forget that it will be just as important to our descendants to be prosperous in their time as it is to us to be prosperous in our time.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Is Something Missing?

Jeff and Suzanne felt blessed. After a couple of decades of being the “pace-setters” in their respective careers, they finally began to feel the fruits of their labor and sacrifices were paying off for them, their families, and their employees.  

And the “apples did not fall far from the tree.” Their three ambitious children (ages 19, 16 and 14) were well on their way to making a mark in the world. One was a top athlete with Olympic potential, one showing exceptional technical skills and one aspiring to enter the culinary arts.

Their family felt tightly knitted together. They spent every family vacation together. They spent every holiday together. Yet recently, a crack began to appear when their oldest child Caitlyn (now in their freshman year in college), came home with a homework assignment. Her Principles of Western Philosophy professor charged each student with a task: “What do they wish to be known for in this life and the next.”  

Caitlyn thought the best place to start was to see how her parents would answer that same question. However, she was unprepared for their response. Suddenly, wham, that awkward “deer in the headlights” moment ensued. Suzanne responded first, saying, “honestly, honey, we have been so busy building our family and business that we just never have had time to think about something like that.” Jeff stared out the window with a faraway look in his eyes, mumbling something to the effect of “that’s a darn good question.”

Suzanne and Jeff decided to reach out to their trusted advisor, Beth, to get some guidance. Beth’s family was similar to theirs, they felt. Since Beth knew their family so well and has frequently suggested that they start engaging the children in planning meetings, maybe this was just the catalyst needed to begin. Perhaps it was time to get their whole family involved and on the same page.

Beth suggested that the business of “preparing their heirs” was perhaps one of the most important things they could do to ensure that their hard work, intentions, and values are carried on long past their time. Preparing their heirs to handle the family affairs collaboratively would create a legacy wealthier than money. And perhaps be an eternal gift that they would be known for in this life and the next.

To get started, Beth suggested it was time to facilitate a “family meeting.” Their first focus would be to co-create a “family mission statement” to provide clarity, collaboration, and consensus. Beth reinforced her belief and experience in this process as the key to creating a legacy that goes the distance.

The Rise and Role of Family Mission Statements

Daniel Akst’s of Bloomberg set out to identify how some of the industry’s leading Wealth Planning practices use collaborative Family Mission Statements as a compelling value proposition to differentiate their client engagement process. 

“For some time now, mission statements have been all the rage among forward-looking companies that want to rally the troops to their essential purpose. But now mission statements are being embraced in a wholly unexpected area – by families. Often the request of their financial advisors, as they view it as a powerful tool for getting all parties and generations involved in the process of wealth planning and getting everyone “on the same page.”

“Family Mission Statements can help them address a host of emotional touchstone issues/expectations about the impact of money on the family as well as on their values as they engage with issues in the larger world.” 

“Advisors say that drafting a Family Mission Statement can help families figure out their core values, achieve consensus on the purpose of their wealth and even face some hard truths they may have been avoiding. At the very least, it helps them to have an appropriate dialogue about inheritance or succession planning in the case of a family business.” – Daniel Akst, Bloomberg

Source: Bloomberg Wealth

Navigating Family Dynamics: Harmony, Dis-Harmony, or Dysfunction?

Many financial advisors intentionally shy away from facilitating these critical conversations. The skill set required to navigate divergent values and belief systems can quickly derail a long-standing client relationship. It can take a degree of unparalleled mastery and experience to find a way through contentious waters.

“Close family relationships afford a person better health and well-being, as well as lower rates of depression and disease throughout a lifetime. But in many families, getting along isn’t a given. The interaction between various members is at the core of these complicated dynamics. We may joke about the stereotypical sources of disharmony—the obnoxious uncle and the ne’er-do-well son—but factors like environment and sibling rivalries do emerge when considering the viability and stability of family networks.” – Psychology Today

Wealth Advisors who step into this challenging role can achieve the pinnacle of value-added by engaging multi-generational clients as their pre-eminent “family steward.” The return to advisors who step into the gap can be rewarded with advisory relationships for generations to come.

Fortunately, there are many excellent resources to help advisors prepare for the role of family meeting facilitator, including DISC, Kolbe, Myers-Briggs and Emotional Intelligence (EQ) coaching and training. These programs help us to know ourselves and others and how to work to create genuine harmony and a sense of trust and well-being across complex families and teams.